I am working on cleaning things up around here, including what is on our desktop. In the process, I came across a few videos I filmed, but never published on youtube. This was probably due to a lack of time, or I simply just got distracted by something else. This one in particular takes me back to one my least favorite times, when Justin was deployed, and I was trying to manage these two!
It's funny (and horrible) how much you forget about your kids, and wouldn't remeber otherwise had you not documented it, either by photograph or video. It breaks my heart that I didn't savor the moment more when they were this little; that I didn't understand how much I would miss that time with them after it had passed. I think that is the amazing thing about being a parent. You are given this incredible responsibility of another human life, and through this experience you are permanently changed as a person. Your heart grows infinitely, and is continually broken at the same time. Justin and I have really been reflecting on how we want to parent differently moving forward, and to challenge ourselves as a team and individually to be present for these two little people. He has always beat himself up over the fact he has been gone for half of Paige's life, but I know he is teaching her what it means to work hard, be responsible, sacrifice, and to make time together matter. We are working on making memories, and this means trading nights out with friends for nights in playing Sorry and Twister. It means unplugging on a Saturday to read books and watch them put on plays for us. It means laying a foundation for the years I am really afraid of...and praying that our children will look back and KNOW that their Dad and I were there for them, and loved them, and were never too busy for a tea party, soccer game, or hug.
2013 will bring changes, I am sure, but I know that I will remind myself every morning when I wake up that each day is a gift. Each day I get to wake up and start over. Each day I can love.